As you may know, my ex husband hacked my old site over on blogger. So I’m starting a new blog here. I hope that my former followers will find their way here. I hope that the ex husband will leave me alone here. I may try to transfer some of the old content over here, if I can figure out how to do so. I’m not very computer savvy though, so maybe not.
I filed for divorce in November. I could not bear the thought of staying married to a Trump supporter after Trump was elected. There is more to it than that, of course. We had grown apart over the years. We both felt unappreciated. Do you remember that Meatloaf song, “Paradise by the Dashboard Light”? (The one in which the woman extracts a “forever” promise before having sex and then later they are both “praying for the end of time”?) That is how my marriage felt by the end of it. There were so many resentments and arguments and unkind words and vindictive actions. It felt more like a rivalry than a partnership. We hadn’t had sex for years. Yet we had promised “forever.” I just wanted the unhappiness to end… he probably did, too.
We negotiated a consent decree, division of property, parenting plan, child support…. The judge signed the divorce decree at the beginning of March. I moved out of the marital home and into my new townhouse on April 22, my son’s birthday. (He may never forgive me for that.)
I am happy to be on my own again after being unhappy in my marriage for so long. I love the freedom to be me, to be alone sometimes, to decorate the way I want to — or not at all — to have friends over when I want to, to work at home in peace, to hang out with the kids in my own way (not his). I just feel… free. And it is good.
I started seeing someone new in May. We are seeing each other exclusively but making no long-term promises — just taking it day by day. (I was sort of the opposite of the woman in the song, making him promise me “today only, unless we both want more tomorrow” before I would have sex with him.) I won’t be introducing him to the kids, friends, or relatives any time soon, either–it is just us, when we can both be free of other commitments, and that is very good. There is no pressure for or against the relationship from anywhere. It is good to know that we are both in it only because we both choose to be together and not because we made a foolish promise years ago that we now regret.
This new relationship is so much happier. We have so much fun together, whether we go out on a date, run errands together, or just stay at home. I think we both started out trying hard to be kind to each other. His prior relationship was similar in tone to mine, and neither of us wants to repeat those mistakes. And now, because he is so kind to me, it is easy to be kind to him; and because I am so kind to him, it is easy for him to be kind to me. Instead of that vicious circle of unhappy actions and reactions, there is a cycle of generous actions and kind reactions.
So far, we do not argue about things. When we have occasional mild disagreements, they are easily resolved because we both would rather make the other person happy than be “right.” There are no mean or vindictive actions. There are no harsh words, no mean looks. There are apologies for the rare accidental small hurts, and immediate forgiveness, and no grudges. There are frequent smiles and compliments from both of us. There is lots of affection and love and laughter and appreciation. Lots of hugs and kisses. And lots of great sex.
It is sort of the exact opposite of my marriage. No “forever” promises; lots of happiness.
LegalMist 